O2 – Benjamin Crawford

I love my phone. It keeps me in touch, there’s a world of information to delve within and I can speak to people whilst skirting their presence.

O2 like the fact that I like my phone, and for £40 month why wouldn’t they? I love O2’s customer service; in complete reciprocity to Three, they just get it right time and again.

My phone was, in part, sold to me under the guise of being able to connect to the internet, and when hooked up to my seemingly overpriced Sky broadband does so brilliantly. Even with Jasper listening to Spotify and Mandy surfing FaceBook/eBay, I’m still able to browse to my heart’s content.

Why then, am I unable to access the sprawling rainforest of information that is the world wide web, when my phone isn’t suckling from the teat of Mr Murdoch? I think I might make a claim against O2 for mis-advertising this shiny bit of glass that lies beneath my thumbs. For some reason they call it a mobile, when the reality of its actual abilities aren’t quite realised because there are too many videos of cats being watched, thus leaving no bandwidth for my very important activities that are absolutely necessary.

I’m one step short of dragging a LAN cable around with me, as connecting to the 3G system is more comparable to queuing for Nemesis at Alton Towers. Don’t get me started on that godforsaken place, that’s for another time.

They say that 4G will revolutionise surfing the web on ‘mobiles’…

Will it buggery. Content will become richer, and the river that is the information to your phone will be just as dried up and arid. Only in bigger proportions.

Please for the love of Jebus, O2, stop dishing out phones to every man and his dog, without investing more money in the hardware necessary for our phones to be useful.

I’m now looking forlornly into my tiny little portal to the web, perpetually fogged by an incessantly slow loading bar… trying in vain to upload this blog.

Whilst I was waiting, I found this video of a cat, its pretty cute I’m sure you’ll agree.

I thought it worthy of dropping a quick note to you, congratulating you as CEO of Three.

Your consistency is ground-breaking! I have never known a single person, entity, organisation or company be so absolutely dire at servicing it’s customers. A while ago I took mobile broadband with you. Alas, was I to know that the stress in dealing with you would cause me so much angst, I would have gladly taken on an entire fleet of carrier pigeons to carry information back and forth, it would have at the very least proved quicker than trying to communicate with your representatives.

For years I have dealt with O2; the dulcet tones of a helpful Geordie customer services hero, happy to be doing their job, and me happy to be speaking to them, are at my beck and call. Oh the differences between yours and O2’s customer service are too numerous to mention.

Today, was the straw that took my blood pressure into a dangerous place.
To change a Direct Debit instruction today took 18 minutes. That is not a typo, it took 18 minutes of my life, which I will never get back. Your company has become a stranding joke in my office, when I have to deal with you I put half an hour into my diary. I have a Dulux colour chart that progressively matches my colour based on the number of inane and idiotic operators that you employ/allow to seek refuge inside your buildings. I sometimes question whether literacy is a prerequisite for a job with you; as it’s clear knowledge of the English language only falls into a desirable trait, rather that mandatory one.

I pay large amounts of money to other companies, but their competent and professional operators make it seem worthwhile. The £15 a month I am obliged to provide you is the most regrettable £15 I see on my statement every month.

They say that no amount of marketing beats word of mouth, I am afraid to say then, that when it comes to speaking to friends and family, I don’t just say “Speak to someone at O2, they’ll sort you out”, I now add emphatically, “But for god’s sake, don’t touch Three”, even if you are the last mobile operator on earth, I would gladly resign myself to an informationless and technologically destitute life. And I’d still be happy.

Tag: O2

Cats prevent mobile usage

Dear CEO of Three…